Tuesday Tuesday Tuesday

Hey sluts, it's me. I've been gone a week, and I know you missed me. As I promised, it's shout out tuesday, and I've had a number of BIMFites requesting some sexy props from your man, Captain America. Firstly, I'd like to shout out to my fellow frat star and IFC president Trevor "Yeah I took a fuckin bid" Brightwell. After being elected IFC president, he proclaimed that he felt like Zeus atop Mt. Olympus. Clearly, his bravado and general excessive level of fratitude deserve mentioning. Next, I would like to mention my McLover, Jenna McPherson. She has made arrangements to travel all the way to Europe to visit me for her precious spring break. This deserves a shout out, as does her ability to fill out a sweater during these cold winter months (RAWR!). Also, I would like to thank Mazda for its continued support of Michael Phelps. He won 8 fucking gold medals. As far as I'm concerned, he can go bald eagle hunting and still be the best thing that's happened to America since the Pony Express. I don't know why it takes some slanty-eyed car company to understand this. Finally, I would like to give a shout out to all the single ladies(all the single ladies!) who weathered the storm through Valentine's Day. I know you felt lonely, worthless, and unloved. All these things are clearly true, but at least you have another year to fix this glaring problem in your life. Stay sexy readers.