Though things are usually kept light-hearted around here, I must address something that is obviously weighing heavily on me and the rest of the Memphis Tiger faithful. With the recent departure of Coach Calipari, this is a dark day in the history of Memphis Tiger basketball. There's not much that I can really say that isn't obvious to the Tiger fans. We have pretty much lost the most important person in the city of Memphis. I guess I would like to thank Coach Cal for reviving our program and providing a lot of good memories for the city and the basketball program. What he has done during his tenure in Memphis has been a great source of joy for very many people, and we will forever be grateful for his service. That being said, I hope Kentucky loses every fucking game they play from now until eternity including once a year when Louisville blows them out by 50 and Rick Pitino celebrates by taking a massive dump at half-court of Rupp arena. I then hope that his dump is lit on fire and their arena burns down, their school goes bankrupt, and their precious shitty bluegrass turns a really gay shade of purple. I hope PETA shuts down the Kentucky Derby, and Colonel Sanders signs a longterm contract with Memphis because we have a lot of "prestige" and "history" when it comes to churning out fat people. If not, then I hope his lardass gets demoted to Private. I hope all wildcats in the world suddenly become docile and tame, thus making the species extinct. FUCK FUCK FUCK! Balls!
Okay, so maybe I'm more bitter than I thought. As usual I'm going to take this recent hand that Lucifer has dealt me, and deal with it like a man... By curling up in a ball in a dark place, wallowing in my own self-pity and body odor, and rocking myself to sleep. Oh and if I make it through the night then shout-outs tomorrow.
It is a dark day indeed my friend. I knew something was strange when the sun rose in the west this morning, and the moon turned blood red. Truly, Memphis has not seen a day this dark since the four dukes rode out of town to spread their semanticism to the rest of the southeast that had little. I share your remorse, and I share your desire for retribution. I always knew Kentucky would have to answer one day for their neutrality in the Civil War. That day has come. I say we muster the dukes and all of their serfs for one final charge.
ReplyDeleteI have visited the tombs of Byron, Tennyson, and Keats, and bring word that will hopefully calm the spirits of Tiger Nation. They have assured me that this "slumber" of our revered coachinto will not be peaceful or sound. Negotiations will continue at a round table that not even the Dukes will be present. But i assure you, I have the words and bonds of our forefathers that they will be screaming and clawing for Coach to stay in the promised land that we all have come to love so much. They say patience is a virtue, and i say nay, waiting is for the weak and Transcendentalists, we must act now.
ReplyDeleteP.S. I heard Emerson is a Kentucky fan...and every Duke knows how queer Emerson can be. Remember that Christmas party last year? That's something i'd love to never see again.
If i see Cal I think I might put the Steiner stinger!!! He is Hollywood gone coaching! Trust me I know what Hollywood is.
ReplyDeleteTo much ego for his own good. We all have one (ego) but this move will result in a loneliness he will never be rid of. He captured the child-like heart/innocence of the city and he stomped on it to elevate his own ego.
We would have built statues for what he was about to have: last years team and teams to come.
We have at least 37 million to find someone to lead us back into the program we have been for the last 5 years.
I feel like I walked in on a beloved girlfriend fucking some other guy. I put the Steiner on him!!! LOL
Cal did have a 1 in a million personality. I will give him that. We need a personality guy.