SB'09 account

So after long last, I am ready to really put my nose to the grindstone and share with everyone the recent events of my life and then we can get back into our usual BIMF routine of philosophical debates and solving world hunger. First, my spring break. So Danny, William, and I set off for Amsterdam on Sunday evening. When we got there Danny immediately appointed himself leader, and claimed that he could easily get us to our hostel. He had directions that he had written(in crayon) and so we went marching off to find the hostel. Basically after walking for an hour in the freezing cold Danny led us back to the train station where we first were, and then announced he just wanted to sit down and draw, again in crayon. We finally made it, and were given a long lecture by the guy who checked us in at the hostel. I am not sure what he even lectured us about, but I know there was about a 20 minute period there where he was talking and I was nodding.

Some observations and comments about Amsterdam and the Dutch people.
1. There are bikes everywhere. Everyone rides bikes. And you would think since everyone uses their bike all the time, they would be fairly high quality, modern-looking bikes. Wrong dumbass. Apparently all bicycle production was haulted in the mid 70's and these rusty, hoopty's were all that remained.
2. Everyone speaks English. Though I am more or less fluent in a number of languages(French, Spanish, Body Language, and I can understand ebonics but I don't write or speak it well), English made things a lot easier.
3. Dutch people are giants. It's like Dirk Nowitzki impregnated 20 million women and then sent all the children to live in the same country.
4. Prostitutes. They are hotter than you would expect. I was thinking they would be dirty looking but they really weren't. They all seemed to really like my style too. They would be like waving at me and giving me sexy faces as I walked by their windows. I recently switched deodorants so I think that made the difference. I felt like I was in axe commercial, except with prostitutes.
5. It's fun to walk around the red light district. I think we spent a combined 7 hours just circling around and checking out the 'tutes. By the time it was over I had given them all fake names and personalities. Like Cindy, who was a shy girl-next-door type who was just trying to pay her way through vet school. Or Roxanne, who didn't have to wear that dress tonight, but she does it for love of the game. Also, every man who passes by you in the red light district offers you either cocaine or ecstasy. So in conclusion, red light district-not for the whole family. Which kind of makes me realize that BIMF is like the red light district of the blogosphere since it tends to objectify women and is also like a drug.
6. Coffee shops. They sell marijuana there. Coming fro the U.S., It's uncomfortably legal. It seems like a trap, but it's not.
7. Walking. It's dangerous and you can be hit by any number of moving objects including bikers, cars, buses, trolleys, and other walkers.

A few stories. One morning danny and I woke up early and went downstairs at our hostel for breakfast. Bill, whose metabolism apparently only requires a few pieces of dark chocolate a day to survive, chose to sleep. So the three of us go outside on the balcony to smoke some legal marijuana after. We then decided to head off to see amsterdam. This is when things got strange. On the way out I noticed Bill was walking funny, like his legs had stopped working. He also lost the ability to speak. Probably because this was his first time smoking marijuana. I started getting worried and thought bill might be dying. More importantly, I thought we had gotten poison weed and that I might soon die. Danny assured me that nothing was wrong, he just hadn't eaten. So i helped bill get back to the bed, and danny got food. He was back to normal after like 10 minutes. We later decided that Bill was merely time-traveling.

Another occurrence that affirmed my suspicion that Amsterdam is in some sort of weird alternate dimension happened after we had visited the Heineken Brewery. It was about 5 o'clock as we were getting out, and we had just been thoroughly brainwashed by the folks at Heineken. Danny and I decided that we needed road beers. After much searching, we finally found some Heineken tall boys and of course we decided that we should do a lap around on the red light district before we went back to the hostel. As we stood outside a prostitute window speculating as to the young lady's bust size in front of us, two silly looking policemen came screeching to halt next to us on their bikes. They asked if we were tourists(oh, did my fanny pack and camera give it away?), and explained to us that it is imperative that we throw away our road beers. The prostitute laughed at us. So to sum up, Prostitution and marijuana... no biggie. Road beers... unacceptable.

Finally, one other small event that stuck out in my mind happened during the middle of the day. We had just visited a coffeehouse and were strolling along the canals when we passed by this man coming from the opposite direction. He was well-dressed and looked to be about 45 or 50 and as he approached us he stopped, looked at us and proclaimed in a loud, jolly British accent, "Gentlemen! Slightly Shitty?!" We awkwardly just kept walking. I like to think he is the European counterpart of my esteemed Brit Lit teacher, Dr. Gross.

Oh and what about Prague, you ask? Well we were supposed to go there, but due to some miscommunication and poor leadership we overslept and missed our flight. And after a lengthy debate about sunk costs and Danny having to hold back some frustration tears we decided it was best to just head back to Nice. Quite a failure there, but I would deem our trip an overall success. More posts upcoming. I promise this blog is about to erupt all over everyone's face.