Humpback Humpday

Alright, well BIMF is back at full steam and is like a runaway freight train at this point. It's Wednesday which can only mean one thing...whales. We will continue on with our "Better Know a Whale" segment where I sit down and have a face-to-flipper interview with a whale. Today, we have a very famous humpback whale from the financial world. It's the Pacific Life whale, Nathan.

Here is the transcript(translated from Whale to English of course) from our interview.

Me: Nathan very nice to have you today
Nathan: No problem Patrick. Always a pleasure.
Me: So Pacific Life tells me they chose you as a symbol of their company because you embody strength, performance, and protection. So can you tell me, how do you make it in the business world without having even a college diploma?
Nathan: Well, ummm I'm a whale so I don't really have much to do with actual day-to-day operations.
Me: Wait... I thought you were one of the higher-ups in the company. I mean you're in all the commercials.
Nathan: Yes, well I'm more of a symbol than anything.
Me: Like the Pope or George Steinbrenner?
Nathan: I guess.
Me: So what exactly is an "annuity?" I'm gonna be honest, I thought it was the tip you leave your waiter.
Nathan: That's "gratuity."
Me: So what was your childhood like?
Nathan: Pretty normal, I'd say. I was born in warm coastal waters where I nursed from my mom for a few months then set out for colder waters.
Me: Mmmhmmm. And where was your father during all this?
Nathan: I never met him.
Me: That must have been hard.
Nathan: No, that's normal for whales to not meet their fathers.
Me: I agree, chivalry is truly dead.
Nathan: Dear Lord...
Me: So when did you know that you would be so big?
Nathan: When I popped out of my mother, said oh look, i'm a fucking humpback whale.
Me: I see. You look like you've gained a little weight since your earlier commercials. Care to talk about that?
Nathan: A few tons is hardly noticeable.
Me: Do you eat to fill some sort of void in your life?
Nathan: You mean like my apartment-sized stomach?
Me: I just don't see why Oprah gets such a hard time about this and you don't.
Nathan: Perhaps because I'm a fucking whale who eats 1500 pounds of krill every single fucking day. THAT'S ALL WHALES DO IS FLOAT AROUND AND MAKE NOISES AND BE HUGE! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Me: Okay well that concludes our interview with Nathan. Riveting stuff. Thanks again Nathan.
Nathan: I'm going to murder you.
Me: Oh please Nathan, everyone knows you are no killer whale. Badump-cha!
Nathan: Swam right into that one... fuck.