Shout Outs, Duh

Hey whores, I know it's Wednesday and not Tuesday, but quite frankly I don't think any of you have really earned my punctuality. I'm going to go ahead and say that I'm pretty underwhelmed by your efforts this past week. I know there's a terrible disease spreading throughout the nation(Spring Fever). I get the MTV News updates. But that shouldn't stop you from being all that you can be. I'm not gonna be there to hold your hand forever, and you guys won't always be able to cruise through life just because you're a BIMFite. Yall are really making it difficult on me this week. None of you losers even had a birthday. Pathetic. I guess I can muster out a few kudos though, but let the record show that it's slim pick'ens this week.

First, noted public fornicator Ryan Smith recently did some impressive man grooming. I can't help but think Zach Matthews had a hand in this.

Next, I would like to give some props to that one guy who held the door open for me when I was coming into the my building the other day. That's how sad this week's shout outs are. Are you all happy with yourselves?

But since all of you look up to me as a father, mentor, sex symbol, cowboy, superhero, future NBA lottery pick, Mario Kart extraordinaire, etc... I feel that it's my duty to help motivate you to do better next week. Kinda like when your kid manages to strike out three times in a tee ball game, and then you accuse your wife of cheating on you because you know there's no way you could have spawned such an uncoordinated, worthless offspring, not to mention the fact he looks half-Hispanic. But then after that you calm down and say something comforting like, "oh you took some good cuts today, son." That's kind of what I'm going to do with yall. I'm going to need the help of Lance on this one though.


You'll all thank me one day.