Return of a Hero

What's up my largely Caucasian fanbase. Can you Americans feel it in the air? Do the trees seem to be standing a little taller? Do the flowers smell more sweet? Are all the ladies suddenly chock-full of sexual anticipation? Yes that can only mean one thing. Papa Bear's coming back to the states. Touchdown in the land of the Delta Blues will occur at 4:20(when i ironically will be coming down from being high in the sky, LOL!) PM on Thursday. Now, I don't really want to say I expect people to make a big deal about my triumphant return back home. I definitely don't want everyone showing up at the airport(I'm flying Delta) or my house(8650 Center Hill Road, Olive Branch, MS), with tears streaming down their faces and an American Flag to wrap around me. That would probably be excessive. And if you are a hot lady, which I know most of you are, showing up naked would be wildly inappropriate. So just don't, okay? I kind of picture my return being like this:


I don't really know how that applies to me. Am I Shadow in this situation or am I Chance? Because I know Bill is Sassy. Whatever you get what I mean. The point is, just let's not make it a huge deal about my coming back.

All that being said, I have decided to offer a prize to the first person to greet me face-to-face upon my return home. Some of the rules: The winner cannot be my mother or father. That would be lame. I also won't give you the prize if I feel that you haven't specifically come to see me. For instance, the pilot of the airplane I'm on can't just land and walk down the aisle and come claim his prize. That would be cheating. Also, if you happen to be at the airport picking up your Aunt Millie, no dice. This is about me, okay? Finally, one last thing. When you approach me, you must come up to me and say, "Yippee Kai Ay, motherfucka" a la American badass John McLean. You must say this.

This is not optional. If you have problems with profanity, then clearly you don't read my blog. Which makes it a moo point. Like a cow's opinion. It doesn't matter.

Whale Wednesday is tomorrow, and it's gonna be good. Oh and I will address the pressing question about the future of BIMF. Stay tuned.