So this is my new segment that I'm trying. I often feel the need to vent about certain aspects of everyday life that I find particularly vexing. Are you asking how I can possibly do this segment more than once since there can only be one "worst thing in the world?" Well there's an easy answer to that: It's my blog so go fuck yourself. I'm gonna make this short and sweet, just like my recent love affair with your mother. My first worst thing in the world is the crowded grocery store.
Don't you hate it when you are just trying to go for a leisurely trip to the grocery and the place is just crawling with fucking human beings. It's gross really. And you have to maneuver your cart around people and some of them aren't even paying attention, so you have to be all like,"excuse me" and then you look like a self-important doucher. Then you are trying to pick out a decent avocado but you don't know how to really determine that shit. Should it be green, should it be soft? you start freaking out because you can feel the eyes of nearby shoppers silently passing judgment. Or what about when you go to the deodorant aisle. I usually try to pick from the deodorants with the coolest names(tiger's blood! red thunder! lumberjack!), but let's be honest, to make an informed decision you have to pop the top off and smell it. This is a very intimate moment that should not be witnessed by others, but when that damn grocery is crowded, once again there are people watching...judging. What about the person who gets behind you and you swear they're following you? You take a left turn by the yogurt, then bank hard right toward the tortilla chips, then you start doing moves that you know a sexy blonde Top Gun instructors will eventually deem "reckless," before you ending up sexing her. Before you know it, you've blacked out and woken up in the middle of the tampon aisle gasping for air. Some may call me paranoid, but I prefer to categorize myself as awesomely aware.
