So a few weeks ago I was awoken at the crack of noon to simultaneous door banging and door bell ringing.  Buddy was still hungover from the night before(drunken ass), and in no mood to answer the door.  His being a dog didn't help either.  So I ambled down the stairs and opened the door to see this kind of cop looking guy.  The conversation went something like this:

Me: Hey

Him: Your trash can is out of place

Me: (Rubbing my eyes) Oh

Him: I need to see some ID

Me: What?

Him: I need to see an ID

Me: Fuuuuuck

Unfortunately, my Jason Bourne instincts don't kick in until after breakfast.  Had I had all my wits about me, Buddy and I would have made a swift exit of of the pat cave to safety.  Unfortunately, I choked and give him my ID.  Where is Brock Phifer when you need him?  I have him my ID, still not fully aware of what was going on.  He then proceeded to write me up.  Apparently since my trash can was 10 feet away from where it was supposed to be, I need to pay Athens-Clarke County 60 dollars.  I began a 10 minute Pacinoesque soliloquy where I discussed the Declaration of Independence, The Industrial Revolution, and the Cotton Gin which all proved my point of what a crock of shit this was.  I think he left somewhere in the middle of it.

So my court date was two days ago, and I decided to go Thoreau on their ass and throw a little civil disobedience their way.  I am nothing if not a man of principal, and this was going to be where I make a stand.  I wasn't just doing it for me.  I was doing it for all the people who have been unjustly strong-armed by the law.  I was fighting for the little guy.  I was raging against the machine. No way I'm showing up for court.  This was my Boston Tea Party! Also, I totally forgot about it.  Apparently now I owe 100 dollars and there is a warrant out for my arrest.  I plan on taking my citation to the bars and seeing what ladies wanna get with a real American outlaw.  And for all the Athens-Clarke county municipal officials who read my blog... Hope Piggy can run.

Winter Woes

So what's the deal with winter?  I tell you what the deal is.  It's a cold bitch.  Firstly, all the girls are wearing all this clothing all of the sudden.  I think I speak for everyone when I say, WTF winter?  If summer is a hot drunken girl, then winter is her ugly fat friend who makes her go home with her at 12 because they made a pact not to hook up with anyone tonight.  Also, when girls wear all this clothing, it makes it quite a chore for me to undress them with my eyes.  By the time I mentally get the stupid scarf and those sherpa boots off I'm ready for a nap.  And it isn't good for the ladies either.  How am I supposed to show off the guns?  I guess I could wear a vest, but then i'm subject to marty mcfly jokes all day.  People say stuff like, "hey you really look like marty mcfly in that vest."  God people aren't funny.  So ladies, please just humor me.  If you must be warm wear a tight turtleneck or something.  After all, it's christmas.